Firsts

This weekend was a time for first. On Sunday my son smiled for the first time. When I put him in his pack in play he looked at the hanging sheep and smiled. True I wish it was at me but I am so happy to see those little grinning gums. That same afternoon, I kissed his check and it tasted salty. The first tears came in. The tears haven't come in fully but it was sweet to see that wet trail on your cheek. On Monday he sucked on your thumb for the first time. Since he's tried to find his hand and usually just finds his arm. Pretty soon he'll get it right.

When he has his active alert time he loves to lay on his mat and kick. It's pretty funny since he mostly kicks with his right leg. If he were swimming or walking he'd go in circles. I think he is right handed since most of his movements seem to be on the right side. We'll see.

4 Weeks

Dear Son,

You are four weeks old today. I must say this month has been much harder on your father and I than I anticipated. In fact, we were even at the point of never having another child. You were fussy and took up all of our time. We knew it would be hard but we had no idea. However, the past week you have gotten much better. You and I have learned more about each other and both of us have become more patient. You sleep a little more (with the exception of today and last night!) and you have started making cooing noises that are so very cute. You have started noticing more things around you and love to play in your mat and look at the toy fishes and aquarium. You hate your bath time but love to have your diaper changed. You still love to be swaddled and somehow manage to always get your socks off. You can lift your head a little better and your chin has now multiplied into two = ) Sometimes the only thing that will console you is by me holding you and I must admit, that makes me feel special. In truth, I need you as much as you need me.

Things have gotten so good that yes, we will try to give you a baby brother or sister in a few years. You have stolen my heart and I can't bear the thought of you ever growing up. This first month has flown by and I am trying to enjoy every moment of this time I get with you. Going back to work in 8 weeks will be so hard. I love you sweet cheeks!

Screamer

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a screamer. The first week my son was really good. I was thinking I was lucky since he was so easily soothed and was easy to take care of. Ha, he fooled me. About a week and a half into his life he became a different baby. When he needs something he starts to scream. This isn't a soft baby cry. It's a the world is ending, life is terrible, I'll never eat again, someone is killing me scream. He gets all red in the face and sometimes even seems like he will hyperventilate. It's really sad and breaks my heart. I get really frustrated especially when he is fed and changed and nothing seems to be wrong. We try to burp him, soothe him, whatever. Nothing seems to work. I really hope this gets better. My friends babies that are the same age act nothing like this. What is wrong? Will is pass?

My husband went out of town this morning on a business trip. He'll be home tomorrow night so he's only gone one night technically. I am jealous that he gets to go out of town, sleep in a hotel with no baby and eat meals when they are hot. Is that wrong of me? I know that he is excited about it, even if he doesn't readily admit it. It's not that I don't love my baby. Sometimes he is so cute and sweet. Obviously I wouldn't change things if I could but I do wish they were easier.

Belly Button

The belly button fell off yesterday. It felt like a milestone since we can now give him a full bath and we can dress him in onesies now.

As of Thursday he is two weeks old. I can't say if the the time is flying by or standing still. This has been harder emotionally than I thought it would. Having to constantly take care of someone else is not something I'm used to. I don't eat that much (which is great for the figure) and obviously I don't sleep well. I have been able to shower every day which I wasn't sure would happen. I really miss my husband too. We don't get to spend any time together and he sleeps on the couch during the week in the hopes of getting some sleep for work.

I still don't think it has sunk in that this is my child and I'm not just watching him for someone else. I'm trying to get more comfortable with having a baby. I hardly leave the house and I don't feel like I have time for anything. My goal this week is to leave the house more and stop hiding inside. I'll end up depressed if I don't make an effort.

One thing he does to make me laugh is when he makes the most adorable faces when he has gas or poops. He has this satisfied smile that I'm still hoping to capture on film. I'm still mastering the art of keeping his penis covered when changing his diaper. So far he's peed on me quite a few times and even peed on his own head one time (it was pretty funny).

He's waking up so I have to go.

April 26th 4:48 PM

That's the date my son was born. I was so happy he was born on his due date. I love to be able to say that my son arrived on time (I am always on time and hate it when others are late so this really fits my personality). Here's the rundown of labor.

8:30 PM on the 25th my water breaks while I'm laying on the couch, I'm not having contractions yet

We gather all of our things and head to the hospital in a taxi (which is possibly the slowest taxi I've ever been in in my entire life!)

9:15 arrive at the hospital

9:30 I am checked and I am only dilated 1/2 CM and almost fully effaced, they start pitocin and antibiotics to get the contractions going and to treat the group B strep

12:00 2-3 CM dilated, the contractions are stronger but still manageable

4:00 Still 2-3 CM dilated, the contractions are one minute apart and lasting one whole minute, they are terrible and I can't take it anymore, I get an epidural (side note: I cried when I broke down and asked for this. I wanted to go as natural as possible but since I had made no progress and the pitocin was making the contractions too strong, I couldn't take it anymore)

I slept for 4 hours. The epidural was wonderful. Everyone should have one!

8 AM 6-7 CM dilated

11 AM 8-9 CM dilated

1 PM time to start pushing!

4 hours later the baby FINALLY arrives. It was terrible to push for that long. I begged the doctor to use a vacuum to get the baby out. I didn't think I could do it any longer. Seriously, who pushes for 4 hours??? The doctor made the right decision not to use a vacuum but at the time I was pissed off. The pain of pushing and delivery was horrible. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say all that crap about how you forget all the pain. You don't. He was 7 pounds 8 ounces and 20 inches long.

It was all worth it though. The moment they placed my son on my stomach we just looked at each other like, wow, what is going on? I will never forget that moment. My son is absolutely beautiful. I love him so much. He has my hair color and my husband's nose and mouth. We haven't decided on the eyes yet.

Today was my first day alone since my husband went back to work. I'll try to write more details later about the past week and 1/2. I'm sure he'll wake up and need to be fed any minute so I need to go.