Time's Up

Last Thursday was the day I have been dreading for a while. My son turned 12 weeks and thus, my maternity leave ended. I felt so sad. I had a nagging feeling that I didn't make the most of the time and I knew we would never have this time again. The time went by so fast that I feel cheated. I wanted more time. Already I feel that time is slipping by and there is nothing I can about it.

Once I got to work I did feel better. I remembered that I am a separate person from my son. Before him, I had an entire life that I had almost forgotten about. Truth be told, I enjoyed being at work a little. I enjoyed being able to focus on myself and something other than the baby for a while. Don't get me wrong, I looked at his pictures every few minutes and smiled. The fact that I went back on a Thursday made it easier since I didn't have to work a full week. I feel more motivated to work harder than before. I want to prove myself again and I want to get the work done faster so I can leave earlier. I never realized how much time we waste at work during the day.

The daycare seems to be a good place. I hope he enjoys being around other babies and is able to learn things that I could never teach him. I worry that he won't get as much attention as I would give him. That could be a good thing though and he may learn some patience. My husband checked on him at lunch on Thursday and I checked in on him on Friday. Both times he seemed happy enough.

He is developing wonderfully right now. He is starting to reach for his feet. Any day now he will start eating his feet. He can get his thumb in his mouth on the first try and he can completely turn himself around in the crib by kicking. I got him a Bumbo chair today and he does pretty well in it. I don't leave him in long since his neck control still needs some work. My favorite thing right now is still his smile. It melts my heart and I doubt that will ever stop, at least until he becomes a teenager = )

11 Weeks

Yesterday my son turned 11 weeks old. When I see the "new" babies now I can't believe that he was ever that small. The way he has changed is subtle day to day but dramatic when viewing the difference in pictures. He smiles and laughs easily now and is rolling to his side. He used to be great at tummy time and push himself up on his elbows but now he will just lay there and suck on his hand (which seems to be his favorite thing to do).

He had his first shots recently and developed a fever. I felt so bad for this little person who was feeling awful and didn't understand why. It didn't help that we had flew that same day. I won't make that mistake again.

I go back to work next week. I am looking forward to not having to care for someone all the time but I'll also miss him so much. I cried to my husband this morning at the thought of leaving my beautiful baby behind. I'm afraid that no one can take care of him like I can. He will be happy playing with the other kids and the activities seem to be fun though. Also, I know I need to get back to the real world. My brain is turning to mush.