Jealousy

I just found out that my friend is pregnant. I am very happy for her but I am also sad. I'm jealous that I'm not pregnant too. I hope this doesn't make me a bad person but it's how I feel. I have another friend who is pregnant. She can't afford the baby and doesn't even have a job. Why does she get one and I don't? Life isn't fair. Big surprise.

I started my period again last week. Six months and no baby. I was on the pill for a long time and they say that it takes time for it to leave your system. I hope that's the cause. I'm getting really scared that something is wrong with me. What if I can't have children? Will I be happy with adopting? Will I even be able to adopt? Does this mean I'm not meant to be a mother?

I know everything happens for a reason. I really belive that. Does this mean my relationship isn't strong enough? Maybe I'm not supposed to have a baby with my husband. Maybe it's just not the right time. What is the reason? Why can't I be happy enough just trying?

I'm going to the doctor in three months if I'm still not pregnant. I still have hope.